Hidden Beliefs

Often, in dating, I find myself renewed and ready to take on the world. That is, until old fears begin to resurface. If I find my self attracted to someone, my pattern of rejection comes up loud and clear. "He didn't call me, am I desperate?" "He doesn't like me, I am silly to have thought he would, I'm so ashamed."

What comes up here is a feeling of shame. However what is often not realized is that underlying this feeling is the belief that you are not worthy of love. Somewhere along the line, you loved someone who in your perception did not love you back. As a vulnerable child, this led to shame for having been rejected. Although this pain is deep enough on its own, the real hurt is actually the self-rejection you imposed on yourself.

When, as a child, we are hurt by the sting of having been abandoned, belittled, or hurt emotionally, we wind up using this information to define ourselves in our eyes. Very often, this outward display of rejection leads to a believe that "I am not worthy of love as I am." Frequently we grow up trying to surpress this hurt but this hidden belief lurks in the background and is often the source of the pain we feel in relationships.

Any hint at rejection as an adult and your emotions are instantly transported to those felt when you developed this primary belief. Because beliefs aren't often analyzed, often we only deal with the feelings. The feeling of rejection, sadness, anxiety, and pain, but we don't look at the source. What are really feeling about ourselves in this moment? Where is it coming from? Is it true?

Now we have the option of seeing it through adult eyes. We can imagine ourselves as that child and have compassion for how we dealt with a painful situations. Once that realization is made, we can choose to let it go and in the process learn to have compassion for our adult selves as well.
What's on your mind?