Are you an approval junkie?

I have spent a good chunk of my life anxiously awaiting for someones approval. This may have started back when I was a child and, desperate for love and attention of any kind, I became sensitive to any kind of acknowledgement I could receive from others. Something that would tell me that I was worthy and good enough. Something that would get me the love I so desperately wanted and needed. In my case approval came in the form of me behaving and getting good grades so this is what I tried to do.

I took behaving to the extreme in that I became a malleable personality, setting side my wants and needs in preference to figuring out what others wanted and needed from me. Not rocking the boat and living in fear that I will not be accepted and therefore not expressing any authenticity in my personality. Of course, the part of you that wants to assert your value as a being then comes out in other, unhealthy ways. Namely, anger and passive aggression.

I was on a long journey of being a pleaser. Putting others needs and wants ahead of my own. Assuming my inferiority in comparison to others. I became hooked on a game of trying to anticipate what was expected of me and acting accordingly. But where was I in the process?

In assuming my inferiority in comparison to others, I didn't get to know who I was, what I liked, or what I wanted. And why is this important? Because to be a healthy adult, you had to have developed value in yourself as a person. A fortunate child's feelings will have been honored, respected, and responded to in a loving manner. And the child then develops the self-esteem to honor their own instincts and values and relate to others with comfort within his own feelings and values. This then allows him to lead an authentic life based on his self-expression. Pleasers have usually had the opposite experience. Instead of valuing their own feelings and values, they surpress them in deference to others. This eventually leads to an ignorance about what they themselves are feeling and an uncertanty about the validity of their values and boundaries. You come to not know your true self.

It's so important to start right away. Feel your feelings, respond and act authentically, if you have a negative response, process, forgive yourself, and more forward.

Learn to know and love yourself for the being that is you.

What's on your mind?